just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
