Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
