come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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