check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
