There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I bet he comes in French.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
