last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
