i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
