i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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