I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
