omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
