She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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