He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
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Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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