fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
