Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
