Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
