A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
