Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
