You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
