We're like a lot better than the average bears
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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