Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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