Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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