after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
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I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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