Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
