Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
