Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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