eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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