i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
