I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
