some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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