Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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