Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I need moral support for this bender
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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