; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
