I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
