but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
