My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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