did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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