It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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