Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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