Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
