At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
