Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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