you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
