Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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