good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
