I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
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She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
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