We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
