My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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