yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i think i just lost a toe
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
FUCK WHALES
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
