After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
