don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
