I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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