Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
