Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️