I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
