Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
