Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
