Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
