i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
