Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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