i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
