a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.