Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in