Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
