My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You took a bar mat shot.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My liver can't handle being unemployed!