And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
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It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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