I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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