How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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