Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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