u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
So vagazzling was a success
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
