If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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