So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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