went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
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i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
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He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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