I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
