I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
