okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
