Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
What a dumb baby whore.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
